Very FRUSTRATED
I'm having such a bad day thanks to my dad. He has a real knack for ruining people's day. Sometimes I really feel like just walking out of this dumb place and really fuck it. He has a real problem and it's so hard to even try to get along with him.
Really frustrated!!!!! And the worst thing is knowing that it's such a hopeless situation. I told mum before that I didn't want to work for them and she asked me how can I not help out now and all that. But then who can help me???
It really feels like I'm trapped in a jail emotionally. They're controlling everything. And I mean EVEYRTHING. Who are my friends, who I'm going out with. Why don't they just control the no of hairs in my head and the air that I breathe. Life sucks and there isn't anyone I can turn to. Who wants to hear "never mind la, just forget it"?? It's not a solution is it? Sometimes I miss Six, I think he's the only one that truly understands my frustration and how I feel
in the office
Hah, our webmail server is down so all the offices can't work. Soooooo, I can slack and play Zuma and write my blog and it's fineeee :)
I haven't spoken to Mr Orange for 2 days since there wasn't so much as a call from him. Just always sms, what's THE POINT of sms? A call doesn't really take much time does it? Or is he really sooooo busyyyyy with whatever he's doing that a 2 min call would jeopardize whatever secret FBI job that he's on... I feel a little sad. Uuurrgghh what's the point, just forget it. Last time Jenny ever told me, if you like someone just gotta put up with their nonsense, if can't take it anymore then just say bye. I guess that's what happened between me and Six.
Sometimes I feel really glad that Lemon is my bro. At least he thinks my dumb jokes are funny and he's the only person I can talk to at home although he doesn't really listen hahaha.
Al Van and I just hung out at YCK and had a drink and talked crap last night. He's really nice and maybe the only person that knows what's really going on in my life and how I'm feeling.
Ok, server back up, gotta go do some work or sort of
Wednesday
I haven't seen Mr Orange in 2 days. He's busy with some stuff not really sure what. Sometimes I feel he's always very secretive..."sorry baby, i gotta go do some STUFF" and just go MIA for days. Yeah I know we each have our own things to do but sometimes the secrets here and there really makes me wonder what he's up to and whether I want to spend the rest of my life guessing. Maybe my bf is some part time secret undercover FBI agent or something haha... That'd be cool
Time passes really quickly and today is already Wed. I am going to work harder than ever so my parents can relax abit. I'll just stop here now because I am going to meet Al Van for dinner
What's up today
Today has been a good day. Shipping is such a mad world, it's dog eat dog especially now with Mother so busy killing the market with their ultra cheap rates.
I just found out that Mama Rabbit is NOT happy with me but I don't really know why. Well.. I did tell her to butt out of Mr Rolla and NN's relationship but that's really got nothing much to do with either of us in the first place. Maybe I should call her and ask her about it. But it would sound pretty weird and go a little something like this:
"Hi, it's me. Long time no see, how are ya?"
"I'm good, thanks. What's up?"
"Nothing...are you mad at me by the way?"
"No."
"Ok then, can we go back to being superficial friends?"
"F off bitch"
Ar hahahah.... I think I can be such a bitch at times. No but honestly, it does matter. Because I don't think she is a bad person by nature and it would be dumb to lose a friend due to some unknown reason. Everyone needs more superficial friends to keep life interesting. Ok, I take that back. She's nice and I'm mean. I'll call tonight, weellll or maybe msg her or ... erm.. email? I mean at the most she will just call me bitchy fat pig and slam down the phone right?
callinggg... maybe not. I'm a chicken with pride. I should be a chicken pie
monday blues
Today went by much better than I feared. I didn't know what was I fearing but at least today went by quite alright and without any major hiccups. (today as in now 8pm, not exactly day over but more or less) Is this what I meant by living each day trying to make it go by as quickly as I can.
This morning I woke up and told myself that it's all in the mind. It's in the minnnndddddddd...... MY FREAKIN MIND...
It's not so bad really but I keep wanting to move on to the next phase of my life, which is???
Work's alright and I made some good progress today but I think I should be achieving much more. I'm going to be 30 soon and I haven't got anything to my name. I'm broke by the way, I spent allllllll my money on who knows what.
But I'm thankful. I thank God everyday for my wonderful (abit weird) family, Lemon, Mr Orange, my friends and all those I have around me. Even if all else fails, God is there.
how now
OH NO...it's getting closer and closer to tomorrow :(
It really feels like last time when I was in primary school and i had such horrid fears about going to school the next day and I didn't do my homework and the teachers at MG sucked big time. But I did my work, so what am I so afraid of? Maybe the monotony of all this is slooowwwlyyyyy killinnnngggg meeeeee softlyyyyyyy withhhh hissss sooonngggggg
Sometimes I think I miss Melb and yet if you ask me, I don't think I can take the lifestyle that I was living last time. The slack and idling, but I do miss my friends. I don't have many friends here and esp since I started hanging out with Mr Orange, seems my circle of friends have gotten even smaller, almost non-existent. We don't have any common friends and have no common hobbies, so sometimes we're at a loss for what to do. Yeah well, we do have some friends, Mr Rolla, Mr Hor Chew and Mama Rabbit but don't know why we never meet up anymore. Oh ya, there's Ms NN too. Ms NN is a nice person and I don't mind hanging out more with her.
about nothing
I seem to have lost my zest for life. Work, friends and relationships are all becoming blah. Worst thing is, I dread going back to work tomorrow. Everyday I feel like I'm dragging myself to work and this isn't right when I used to be a workaholic and can't wait to get started on every new project.
What went wrong? I have lost all sense of inspiration and everyday is such a chore. I am just trying to pass each day as fast as I can hoping that the next will be better than the last.
Mr Orange is trying to peep at what I'm writing but the words are too small and he can't see anything haha. I will write more again when he is not around. In the meantime, anyone have any suggestions pls let me know, thanks
Cheers
can't stopppppp
i'm in the office and now i can't seem to stop posting things, my boss is gonna kill me.
ok, this is the REAL PJ. i'll post Ms Rock's pics tmr cos i don't have it in the office now
how to...
can't find the post pic button. this thing isn't user friendly :(
oohhhh just found it.
<-----this is my friend PJ
1st entry
These few days have been very interesting. It's all about food. Yesterday was Bak Chang day and I made my first ever B.C. on Tues night.
I feel very proud of myself cos I got the recipe off the internet and managed to make the chang look and taste like a chang hahahaha... I brought the changs to work yesterday and my colleagues tried it and said it tastes pretty alright. I am going to open a BAK CHANG store next year.
Hmmm...wonder how it will taste like with banana filling and some coconut milk.
Ok, thats all for now cos I wanna let PJ read my first ever blog entry. Ciao
Sorry!! UNCIAO... PJ says that my entry too short so gotta write more. Ms Rocks also read my blog already hahaha.. so far I've already had 2 friends read my blog. They are a crazy bunch 'cept for Ms Rocks who is now a mummy and more stable then before I guess.
PJ is still abit flakey but that's how we are. I can still remember all the dumb stuff we did when the 3 of us were still back in Melb. Heh heh... especially the over-eating parts :)
Remember last time we used to eat alot until our jeans got too tight then we had a problem squatting down and had to make those loud .... uurrggghhh.... noises to bend down
I'm gonna post the pic we took at Great Ocean Road
