Flip flop
I can't believe it. It's been almost 3 years but I don't know why the reaction is still so strong. I saw Six online and my heart did a double flip. I know he must've blocked me ages ago but I just want so much to talk to him. I just want to know how is he getting on and let's face it, I wanna know how he's getting on without me and whether that piece of shit is getting married.
Crap. I'm home and online again. AND logged into ICQ, something which I haven't done in agessss. He's still online and still in NA. Why am I still so hung up over him? I have a bf now whom I reckon has the following qualities:
1)cute
2)sometimes quite sweet
3)parents like him alot
4)sensual
5)have the same hobbies i do (more or less)
6)likes dogs
Is this considered as betraying Mr Orange? I don't mean to, honestly I don't. I just can't help it. I don't know how to explain it and why I'm so stupid to even keep thinking about him or wanting to talk to Six. I mean I don't love him anymore and I love Mr Orange, I really do. Anyway, I'm just gonna go off from ICQ and this cruel world.
No biggie?
I can't believe it, Mr Orange doesn't know my birthday after we've been together for close to a year!!!!! I'm not angry just really disappointed. What kindda bf doesn't know his gf's birthday? A can't be bothered one or a self centered one? All the warning lights are flashing *blink blink blink*. But on the other hand, am I making a fuss over nothing? Maybe I should really consider walking away now. Can anyone pls give me a suggestion?
I'm trying to save enough money to open a cafe but it's seems to be taking forever. Worked out the costs but seems like I'd need close to 100 grand just to get the equipment & renovation done. I'm not sure if it's a good idea to open a cafe since we're practically saturated with them. How about a dog farm? Hmmm...dog farm sounds fun, CC & MM can be the manager of the other dogs. CC's really old now tho, shld be about 9 years old I guess and MM's about 5. I've had them with me ever since I was with Six. I think I'm gonna go home early from work today and spend some time with them. I think they're feeling neglected, MM's going abit berserk recently. I miss Six.
September
Today is the 05th of Sept, I haven't posted any entries in here for quite awhile. It's scary how time just zooms by. I'm nearing 2X..!!! Becoming antique soon LOL. I realized that as we get older, we start to get fewer and fewer friends. But there are that handful whom you know will always be there even if you haven't spoken for the past few zecades.
I'm so homesick. Well, can't really call it homesick since it's not my home but I suddenly miss Melbourne so so much :( I miss the friends which I made over there and wonder how they are doing now and if they think of me sometimes. Haha.. sigh..
Nothing seems to be going right at this point. Which seems to be at every point of my life that is. Work sucks, relationship..well, I don't really have a clue which direction we're heading. Family, I don't know why dad's always so angry all the time, and always shouts at us. It's so difficult just being here. I can barely take it. I hate being a whiner but I don't know how to put things right.
I miss the autumn in Melb, the gold red leaves on the trees. I guess I have to stop thinking about it and get back to earth.
