RAIN RAIN, GO AWAY

Happy New Year!

Today is the 05 Jan 2007, and it's the start to a brand new year. 2006 went by in a flash or parts of it. Well, I'm another year older but still none the wiser and I hope 2007 will be different. Actually, with every new year I am hoping it will be different, better from the last but I wonder what's gonna change this year to make it better.

In spite of everything that has happened, I made the decision to get back together with Mr Orange and give it another go. Do you think I'm stupid? What's the saying, a leopard never changes it's spots? Yesterday Grey asked me why I came to the decision which I did and what is it about Mr Orange that attracts me. I don't really know, there isn't an exact thing or reason which makes me feel this way. I only know that I love him and have feelings for him. Haha... that's why they say love is blind.

Last night, we were just lying next to each other and holding hands. I was thinking, I love him so just forget about everything else. Sigh. If only life was so simple. Unfortunately, it's not. It hasn't been easy because I don't trust him. I get paranoid over every small thing, or am I right to again this time? What happened still hurts and it's very fresh in my mind. I don't wanna remember it if I can but I can't.

It doesn't help that he's gotta go overseas on work assignment next week. I know what's gonna happen. I don't know why am I still putting myself through this, all these insecurities. It's honestly driving me nuts. I don't even know what's our plan for the future or if there's any at all. Suddenly I just feel so very tired, I think I should end things once and for all. But I'll miss him. But I don't know what goes on in his mind, he's so shrouded in secrets.

Dear God, pls tell me what I should do. Thanks for hearing.

posted by xblowfishx @ 10:18 AM