My dad
I haven't written in a long time. So many things happened it's been such a whirlwind of a ride. My dad passed away on 22 Jan 2008.Mum and I were away in HK over that weekend for a meeting. Mum was very uneasy about going and she told dad she wanted to cancel the trip but dad said "Go, there's nothing you can do here either. If you are around, my heart is heavy and I can't bear to leave. Let me go peacefully." I think he knew. We called home during the trip and kuku told us everything was well and dad seemed to be getting better as he requested for food.
We came back on Monday and kuku picked us up from the airport. She told us dad wasn't feeling very well at home. We rushed home and I saw my dad, he had lost even more weight over the weekend. He was feeling very uncomfortable, and started vomitting and purging. I remember clearly he was asking 'Why is it so smelly? Why can't stop?" I tried to tell him its because his body was trying to clear out all the toxic and that he would be well after this. He shouted, "i'm going to die already"
He asked us to leave the room because he wanted to urine. Then I heard Lynn shouting for me and my brother. I ran into the room and I saw him. His face was white and he was gasping for breath. I knew this time was different from all the other times. I didn't know what to do. I was so scared of losing him. I shouted to Lynn, make him sit up make him sit up because he can't breathe properly!!! She pulled him up but it didn't help. I was shouting to my mum to call the ambulance but she didn't. I held my dad's hand, and my brother and mum were on the other side of the bed. I watched him die and there was nothing that I could do at all. NOTHING!!!! NOT A FARKING THING!!
I miss my father so much. It's too late to regret now but I wish that I had told him how much I would miss him. In a way, maybe this was for the best because day after day, night after night, he was just lying on the bed not knowing what to look forward to. The pain was so bad that the morphine wasn't even helping anymore. He woke up in the middle of the nights and started crying for help. He couldn't eat and couldn't take the pain. I didn't even know how to pray anymore. At that time, I kept asking God to heal him and prolong his life so that he won't leave us. But it reached a point where I saw the pain and suffering he was going through, I started praying for God to do what's best to relieve the torture.
Mum is still in grieving now. She misses him terribly. The house is so quiet without him and I really miss him. My father is gone. But I know he has gone to a better place and one day we will meet again. I really never expected my dad to die, in my mind, he is a very strong person and he always fights back and he always won.
I know he fought the cancer right till the end. I am very proud of my father. I know he misses us too.
"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith"
posted by xblowfishx @ 10:26 PM
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