RAIN RAIN, GO AWAY

Have you lived your life

Living in the moment. How many of us can actually do that? When we are doing something, our mind is either trying to capture an experience from the past or trying to conjure up an image of the future. It's the living in the now that's tough.

I went for class again tonight and Soon was talking about how we never actually live our lives. Even when he was speaking my mind started to wander. I was really hungry and was thinking about food haha. Then he snapped me back to the present moment. Anyway walking down the street made me realize how I stopped paying attention to things around me. Usually when we are walking, driving etc, our minds are preoccupied with some other things. He was saying we should truly experience what we are experiencing.

We went back to that field again and today's sky seemed to hold more weightage than the first experience. After 3 weeks of project, I felt completely burnt out. Things were not going very well and there was this horrible weight on my shoulders and neck. I couldn't sleep at night due to the pain. Oh, I got the same chest tightness and went to the toilet to puke when I was at work. Looking at the sky and just being with myself again tonight helped me to refocus. The universe is so big and made my problems look small. I wish I could remain in this space forever. Being so in tuned with myself and things around me.

Part of my project was to work with Rob on the overweight cargo and get the biz moving. By the 2nd week, the account just landed on my lap and took me little effort to secure it. It's like things are happening on their own.

I used to say, I have to look after my mum but now I realize that she's alot stronger than I am. With all that she has to shoulder, she is still strong and still going. Yesterday, when things just seemed so bad, she said hey, come lets just go take a drive and relax. We took a drive and went to a new place for lunch. The pasta was really good. Then we drove around and we just walked in to this physio place. The doc pulled my neck and did some stuff for my tense muscles and last night was the one night I slept right through without waking up for ages. Mum is just incredible, I don't know how she does it, keeping up with everything.

God has been very good to us. He knows when we are just about had it all, He sends someone along to hold us up. Ste has been really nice, he never pressures me and always listens to me. I am taking some time out to find myself and look for directions. What is it that I really want and also to get over Mr Orange. He doesn't love or respect me, I really should not keep holding on. Last time, he said to me 'I won't let you wait for long' and then when I spoke to him some 2 months back, he said to me, 'I also didn't ask you to wait'. It really really says alot about what I mean to him. God has His plans and I hope He reveals it to me soon :)

posted by xblowfishx @ 12:59 AM