Vices
My biggest vice is men. I read through all my entries and realized all my emotional mood swings were due to men. It's my biggest vice because I am still unable to control my emotions, but I do say that I am getting very slightly better at it.I have been very angry with God recently. For the past few years, I have been trying to do the right thing, listening to what He say and changing myself. I know my pride is very strong and I still haven't learnt how to give in to others but I have been trying sooooooo hard that it's not even funny anymore. Swallowing my pride and holding back my temper might cause me to get stomach ulcers and probably lead to cancer. I'm angry because after trying so hard, things still get *effed up and God didn't want to help. And just when I am learning, things change and for the worse. Variants!!! I hate variants that I can't control. And I am NOT A CONTROL FREAK!!!
After Mr Orange, I just distanced myself from people. I mean, I appeared close but honestly deep down, there were alot of reservations. I don't want to be in such a vulnerable situation ever again or let anyone else be in the driving seat. I am so afraid to lose control. There's this fear inside that I just can't seem to get rid of.
I guess its this feeling of self worth or lack thereof. Maybe I have to learn how to be comfortable being around myself.
posted by xblowfishx @ 5:29 PM
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