Sometimes it feels like a joke
I prayed really hard this evening before I left the office and asked God if he could make things work out between me and Ste.
When I was out with Ollie and Lorr, Ollie suddenly looked at me and said I saw Ste. He's with another girl. I turned and I saw him. I wonder why it has to be this way. God wants me to see and get on with my life.
It doesn't feel any better. In fact, I feel so farked up right now.
CheckMate
Ollie and I really did it!! Our first co-hosted event under NBT really happened and it happened well. The turnout was much better than we expected. We brought in about 70 guests from NBT and all our friends were very happy for us. They didn't expect us to actually go through with it but we did!! Ollie, me and Fre left earlier, about 2am cos we were really tired and we went for supper. Some of our guests still stayed back as they were having alot of fun.
I felt so empty when I got home last night. I mean, of course I was happy that things turned out well. But I didn't feel that satisfaction that I thought I would get. What am I searching for?
Ste was there.
When
Ever wondered how many times a heart can take a beating before they get numb and stop feeling? Everytime just about when I think I can no longer feel anything, the feeling comes back stronger and hits me tenfold. I miss Ste so very very badly. He's out at one of our client's place. He asked me along but since he's together with Glen, I decided to give it a miss. Not to mention after yesterday's episode, that outburst in the meeting made things worse. Glen asked him after I left the room, what's going on between us and why I seem to hate him so much.
Right.
This just reminded me. Resolution numero due went wayward. And it's only February!!!
Recent Events
We finally went ahead with the dating agency after countless talks and rather sluggish action. V Day is about to come up and we got invited to co-host CheckMate at White Rabbit. Basically I got all the paperwork up within a week and now we are waiting for our namecards and the website to be up.
I am very excited about this, the fact that we actually went ahead with our plans and our very first publicity stunt is going to happen this Saturday!! I've been very jittery these few probably due to lack of sleep and also nervous about the turn out.
I miss Ste so dreadfully. Saw him a couple of days ago and he told me that Glen is going to be in town. He called yesterday to talk and asked how are things with me and what have I been up to. I asked what he was up to for Valentine's day and he hesitated and said nothing. I know he doesn't wanna go out with me but I just mentioned to him about my event. I didn't want to invite him to the event because it's supposed so be our day but it's not. Didn't mention the place and time to him. And he didn't ask. On the other hand, I want so much to share with him a very important day in my life. This love I have for him is very different, yes, I do want to be with him but at the same time, I just want his good.
Feel so empty even though I've been so busy past few weeks. Nothing seems to satisfy. I don't know what am I searching for. Sometimes I feel like this emptiness is going to engulf me whole, I don't know what to do with myself. I'm tired. Let's see what tomorrow brings.
