Empty
Why do I feel so empty suddenly? I can't explain this void. It's so deja vu, the depression that's dying to kick in. What's wrong with me??
Ste came to the office just now and I told him I'm depressed. He asked me why and I told him about Mr Orange. He said, "I don't understand why are you still thinking about him. He cheated on you and that is unforgiveable in a relationship. You have to use logic to think and then block out the feelings." It's really not that easy, yes, I use logic to not get back with him or crawl miserably after him but doesn't mean that I feel any less.
How can I get rid of this horrible feeling? Or do I wanna stay in this forever? Dear God, I'm dying from a broken heart. I was fine for the past few months. What's happening? Please help me to let go and to trust you. I am panicking now. I don't want to panic and I don't want to cry. But at the moment, it really feels like hell. I have to stop contact with him.
Dear God, please give me the strength to go through this. Please give me joy and peace in my heart because I know you are in control dear father. No matter what comes, you are in control and you know what's best for me.
Unexpected
Merv got married last Friday. It was rather unexpected, well because no one guessed in the least bit that he was going to end up marrying this girl and only after 3 months. He seems really happy and I feel very happy for him too.
Mr Orange was at the dinner. After so long, I still feel a lot for him, which in my opinion is dumb and I really thought that I was truly over him. I just don't understand the feelings bit, its been close to 3 years since we broke up. I noticed that girls get stuck on their exes way long after their break ups. Is this more of a characteristics thing or a psychological thing? I just miss being with him. The way he used to make me laugh and the fun we had together. I have to stop thinking about it or it will just get worse. I doubt he even thinks about me, why do I always put myself up for this??
Ollie and I have been working on NBT and it's finally getting some progress. I just need more inspiration. By the way, I'm sick of the dating scene... how ironic is that when I own a dating agency. I wonder how long I have to wait for me to meet the next person that I can find totally irresistible. Oh ya, Workingholic introduced me to this guy, Keropok, some 2 months ago. Everyone's introducing me guys (even O's uncle!! this is truly epic) but I seem to have lost interest. (for the records, i'm still straight despite what i have been telling men that i've changed preferences)
How do you compete with an old love? They will lose to the memories. It might be easier if I can just bring myself to actually start dating after Ste. Why can't I forget Mr Orange?
I wonder what God has in store for me. I'm going to wait.
